One Missing thing is Missing !

My Father Passed away , and now ...
I remeber when i heard the words.. i felt . weird . like i ve lost my Back ! my neck , my heart , maybe my eyes , and breathing is not an easy thing ! now we have more oxygen and less of his breaths and warm Looks ..his hands playing on my hair the sounds of his dreams ,, No more of Any of these.. And i do not cry No more ! Never since !

Its weird how a person grow up within a day ..i do not claim wisdom, but things have deeper meanings and God is cose to each one of us ,, wether we like it or not , we are going to Go !

Life is more meaningful and meaningless ...

Real life.. i now face, with real people who Hate , leave , and Kill!
Real commitment toward Poeple you need, services you cant live without and some how never worried about their next bill before but now You do !

Some times i realize how much i was selfish by thinking of doing stuff, going places, and earning things that others desrve more than me !

Being a part of Family is something and being Family for some one is another thing !

I enjoy being needed by others , it makes me appreciate Life for being so kind with me and giving what others need ...

Thank You .
For Those who were in My life before .. and Now Not Any More !
For those who entered my life .. and making it mean More ! And ...
For those who will enter my life one day and make me appreciate Life More !

I just want to pack My Room ! & i was wondering why every was panicking when we mentioned the packing !!

I realised that i realized that a little bit later ,i did not panic until it was 4 am in the morning & 8 hours between me & my flight !!

I wanted to make sure i had every thing that i need , still i cant have what i want !

I tried so hard to keep it simple , & was imagining that ill be the only one in the airport with two big NOISY ROLLERS BAGS !!! & guess what i was the lightest of them all !

So in the end its the panic that has been packed in my bags & i kept a clear mind & ready hands to deal with those two heavy babies !!

Finally i can say .. i am done with travelling along JORDAN every other day !
i have manged to do 27 trips to AQABA, AMMAN , IRBID ! IN 45 DAYS ! so you can now understand the sense of stability i have been having lately !

i have gone 10.800 KM = 6.710 808 876 2 miles to get this SCHOLARSHIP !
but in the way ,, i have learnt so many things ,, i would not have learnt if i was driving 10 Minuets away from my home !

I have became more patient as i had seen 5 problems in the engine & had to wait in the cold desert way for almost 10 hours in total!

I have became more social , as i had to sit for 27 times for 4 hours with a total different person including Suzann !

I have became more focus on certain areas in my life as those 108 hours , were considered my Meditation Classes & i enjoyed thinking in every single thing i was too busy to think of !

I have became more thankful to God , as i now realize the bless of a stable home & family waiting for you every day you get back home !

Finally , Have became a Nature person as i travelled in the most wonderful places in JORDAN , in the best season !& made good use of my Camera !

so , after all What Came out of the bus engine was good ! one way or another i became more independent , more aware of my financial status as i have my own bills !

I would not believe that i am saying this , specially if we go back in time 9 months ago !!

I was dying for the collage experience to end ! & now , not that i want it to happen again , but i don't mind remembering those days ! surprisingly !

What is the reason !! ,, well, for the first time i would say i have managed to reach a state of good communication level with some amazing person who in so many ways looks like me & the total opposite of me !

I don't like people who are carrying their mirrors with them searching for their reflections , i like different people who can teach you things about themselves & yourself !:)

Well ,,i met this one special girl ! she is wonderful , warm hearted , confident,funny,outgoing, clever ,lively & really likes sugar !

I was not sure about this whole thing as if it would work , but it turned out very well as we started to know each other more & more !

By time , we became closer & started to grow into strong , influential , intellect women , which made us become even more closer but we never crossed the personal red lines as i never asked what is i dont need to know neither did she !.. so it was convenient !

And luckily we made better & stronger mental connections as i graduated from collage & she stayed their as she has a bigger amount of hours to pass as her major is different than mine .

I met her few days ago , & spent two days at her apartment just like the old days ,, she was every thing as she used to be but even better !!
its amazing how good breeding grow to give better ones by time !

We talked about every thing ,, long talks that we would fall asleep ((( at least me as i was exhausted from my many trips & long driving hours )),& we mentioned this weird thing about us ,, when we meet we act like it was yesterday that we met for the firts time ,,the day we've been lost in the university halls !


We dont act friendly ,we just BE as it is normal for us to feel so !
& all the way back to amman i was thinking how much i am lucky to have ,, even its only one friend,, like this way !
as i ve met people who spent their liftimes with not even one good person to remeber !

Thank YOU my friend for being there , for supporting me , for beleiving in me when i lost faith in my self !

Hope this lasts for the rest of ourlives & even if it doesnt " for technical reasons ,, "as i might get married to really boring guy who you totally hate ;);)" i will remeber these dyas & churche them always .

lets admit it , i like being in the light ! i mean , come on who does not like it !
BUT i just can't stop thinking of the responsibilities that comes with this light !

i became verry sleepless with the count down of my flight to NewYok !

One night i remember waking up at 3:47 am just to make sure that i have written all of the peices of the speach that i were supposed to give after 2 days !!

My room-mate was disturbed by my ( MANY WAKE UPS ) as she calls them ! poor girl !

I don't know but i guess its better to wake up in the middle of the night than to regret not revising the speach or the next or last lecture " trainnig session but i like calling it lecture " context !

So i guess i have to deal with this for the next 5 months !

Any ways i like it as i can enjoy some warm tea or milk & the joys of silance of the night ! but can my NEXT roomy handle it !! ;)

It's not that hard ,, but it hurts !
i've been for ( the last time ) in my office , with my work team who have been busy since i left & gave them a verry big share of the work !! that i felt i have to bring them some roses as a fare well gift NOt the way opposit !

i know they care & love me , but as they say,, NO ONE SAYS GOOD BYE FOR THE BOSS !

We had some real good time , talking about the nice times we had , & our plans for the future , its not that i am not coming back but i ve been with these people from A to Z , so its kind of hard to start making plans withme in it , or without them in it !

BUT i know i can get used to it , as time passes & i will churche their friendships & keep in contact with those wonderful people:

MY boss : Mr. Ehab Bassam
Mr.Ahmad AL-Shraydeh , Ms.Abeer AL-Eswed ,Mr.Ahmad Enayah ,Mr.Ahmad Khawaja , Mr.Fadi Btoush, Ms. Marwa Ananzeh , MS.Safa'a AL-Ma'ateah,Ms. Doa'a' Abo Ateyeh ,& Yaser roshdey.

THANK YOU GUYS for being friends when i needed friendz , & brothers & sisters when i needed family .